Monday, January 19, 2009

A Journal Entry From December 18th;
I wanted to share with all of you this very powerful journal entry in my members area I wrote one month ago...since I wrote this my training has changed a bit and I am now about
166 pounds and 12% body fat - 12 weeks away from my first event of 2009.

Intensity / Consistancy...and the Magic of Christmas!
I received an e-mail requesting I post a written update for you!
It has been way too long I know...but the e-mail requested info. pertaining to what I am eating and details, to be very honest, that are truly NOT what my progress is about...
so I am going to tell you what my progress is about and why I look the way I do and why am who I am...
My food is nothing different from any other competitive bodybuilder except I take a lot more high calorie days than most because I begin my prep. about 20-24 weeks out- because I have children and I have a husband that does not handle me being any different when I prep. than when I am off season.
He does not especially like my training or my competing- I do it for me- my time in the gym training is my release of everything going on in my life. It is how I deal with difficulty, how I focus and direct my energy ... it is how I train not only my body but my mind!
What I eat is such a small piece of the puzzle, that gives you what you see in photographs...

I started lifting at 16 but didn't start being consistent with it until 21..I am now 33.
(34 on Feb. 26th!!) I was a dancer taking class 5-6 days a week prior to that and was in a company in college..performing and expressing myself through art and physical outlets was a gift I was given from childhood. I was always a passionate sister still says I am the most passionate person she husband is this way too- we share our passion for our family and our children!
My physique started to evolve over time...with Constancy and Focus..every year increasing my intensity and pushing past my expectations of what I was capable of. Every year caring less and less what others thought and just doing what felt right to me, for me.
Training during my pregnancies, post baby when everyone just thinks I am a heavy girl in the gym- during off season when I blend in with the rest of the world- during the beginning stages of prep. when people start to stop and stare as I take a kickboxing class and I am watched by half the gym as I train...(that's the part my husband hates)- I wear my headphones, don't make eye contact and do my thing...I'm not there to socialize, I'm there to work.
That is my hour that day to be the athlete that I is my hour to pull from my depths to see what I have and to give that and more.
My husband asks me often why I put myself through this, for what reason?
I do it to myself- why???

You better believe I do!!!!
That is what makes up my character, that is what makes me who and what I am. It is about giving the best I have and maintaining a healthy mental and physical balance for myself and my life. Training is sooo much more than training for me. It is a passion- just like movement is on stage for is a canvas that I create and pour my soul into..I get out of it what I put in and I have to listen to it and never ever take for granted it's awesome power!!

The gifts I take for granted like...
breathing, walking, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, the sense of touch, the ability to have life grow within me, bring that life to our lives and then work my butt off to be back to my conditioning level that is so beyond what most people can imagine.
Yes, it is true that things are different after each body changes, my stomach changes but those are challenges to overcome. Just like the difficulties we face in they come..
as they roll into our lives...I gear up like I do when I train..mentally, physically...I take on what it is and keep pushing on- keep moving forward....if I fall, if I am temporarily crushed...
I pull myself up off the couch, get dressed, put my make-up on and get myself to the gym...
Suddenly a new day, a fresh outlook, hope, determination, oxygen in my lungs and pumping through my veins, fresh water replenished as I loose it...and exhaustion...I gave everything I had...and I am overwhelmed...overwhelmed with this GIFT God has given me.
My health, my body, my mind, my spirit, my soul!

This is a focus that has evolved over time and through many stages in my 33 years of life!!
Some say I have lived more than most 33 year olds..I just think I was hit harder at a young age...which made me stronger, more determined - at a younger age-I struggled with my health as a young child...I was ill a lot. I had very bad asthma and allergies and was out of school sick a lot!!
I struggled as a teen with alcohol and my uncontrollable passion for dance and finding love.
I missed out on a close relationship with my dad growing up - which he and I have built in my adulthood- (this is such a blessing for me and has helped me heal so many wounds)!

I struggled as a new wife and mother- my expectations of what it should be were not what it was...we struggled in our relationship and we persevered- we made it through!
Then had two more beautiful babies to bring our family to 5!!

I have struggled to maintain my "own" goals and my own business while being wife and mother to our children. Finding balance in having so many wonderful things in my life... co-existing!

We have struggled financially over the past few years as carpentry has slowly come to a halt.

So here I am 16 weeks out from my first return back to the stage...168.8 lbs. around 15% b.f.
I am doing well with my training, I am sore every day and doing very little cardio. Like I said...intensity and consistency..not fancy fads or extremes, not surgery or quick fixes, not obsessing about what I should or shouldn't be...just excepting who and what I am, where I am at, knowing the way to do things the right way, and enjoying now- today- and not counting down- but rather staying in the now. What we know for sure;))
I will be the best I am...I have faith and confidence in myself and my surroundings!

Enjoy your last few days before 2008's magical Christmas morning....
December 24th/ 25th-
The most magical days of the year...the most beautiful season to count our blessings and lend a helping hand...I know what it is to struggle and I also know what it is to have someone extend their hand to is so powerful- such a blessing...last year we went to P.A.D.S to donate and bring food and clothing on Christmas eve. While we were busy cooking and enjoying one was such a powerful gift to give my daughter..who really understood..even though we were struggling financially and we had just said good by to her grandpa to cancer the month prior, there were others struggling more, there are others with nowhere to go and no family to help them in need. There are people hungry and children cold...there are people sick with illness and those who need us...
Be the magic you believe in this holiday season!!
(Be the Magic you believe in EVERYDAY!)

With love and passion,

Photo taken by my photographer-Terry Witczak- 2 weeks ago
Yes- in the snow at midnight.